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Translation: Character Page.

Ronald McDonald Spokesclown for McDonalds fast food restaurants since 1963. Ronald is second only to Santa Claus as most recognizable icon in the world. Was originally portrayed by Willard Scott.

PROS:
Ronald McDonald's House is set up to help children with Cancer.
From 1960-63 Bozo the Clown was used to promote McDonalds until he was dethroned by 'Ronald McDonald the Hamburger-Happy Clown.'
Makes eating hamburgers fun. Sort of.

CONS:
He sells fatty high cholesterol foods.
He pays his workers minimum wage.
He is a representative for corporate greed.
His sole purpose is to hook children into eating at McDonalds.

The Hamburglar Introduced in the 1970s, the Hamburglar is the resident crook and thug of McDonaldland. He is known mostly for stealing fat-saturated food, and over the years has evolved from an evil old man to a carrot-top kid. Proof of what 30 years of eating McDonald's will do to you.

PROS:
He can't afford to buy hamburgers on McDonalds' minimum wage rates, so he must steal them to survive.
Although he is a crook, he always comes to work in a tie.

CONS:
He steals hamburgers from his friends.
He is not allowed to work the cash register.
His hamburger addiction has given him clogged arteries.
Even though he might be 'full' he still swipes hamburgers just to be an ass.

The Grimace Grimace is a huge fuzzy purple fellow and Ronald's 'special' pal. Also has some loose connection with eating at McDonalds.

PROS:
Although he is clumsy, his friends don't ostracize him because he is also retarded.
Lost 2 of his arms in an accident involving a cucumber.
He works for McDonalds, which means he probably gets paid $4.50 an hour.
He dislikes vegetarians.
He is a nudist, but has no genitalia.

CONS:
He is shaped like he never digests his food.
Actually he demonstrates what your body will look like if you eat at McDonalds.
He looks like a fat kid in one-piece pajamas.
He was originally called the Evil Grimace and 'had a penchant for stealing milkshakes from small children, was fuzzier and had four arms.'
He looks like he is hungry for your kids.

Mayor McCheese Introduced in the early '70s, Mayor McCheese is the mayor of McDonaldland. His proclamations usually have something to do with eating at McDonalds.

PROS:
He is well dressed and always smiles.
He has been Mayor for over 20 years, so he must be doing something right.
Despite being a high profiled politician, so far he has never been charged with corruption.

CONS:
He is a tool of big business, McDonald's has him in their hip pocket.
He is both a high cholesterol food and an authoritarian figure.
He rules over some unsavory characters, like Evil Grimace, Captain Crook and the Hamburglar.
He talks with food in his mouth.

Big Mac Local law enforcement for McDonaldland. He is based on the popular Big Mac sandwich at McDonalds.

PROS:
Lost a few sesame seeds in the line of duty.
Constantly trying to keep the Hamburglar and Captain Crook in check.
Has kept McDonaldland 'homicide-free' for 30 years. Stolen food is on the rise however.

CONS:
Will ticket you for not knowing the 'Big Mac' rhyme.
With a face full of food, he makes a compelling argument for calling a cop a 'pig'.
In true Keystone Cops fashion, he is an idiot and explains why the Hamburglar is constantly running amuck.
He also talks with food in his mouth.

Birdie the Early Bird Introduced in the early 1980s to promote McDonald's breakfast (as the Early Bird). Lives in a treehouse.

PROS:
She is the only person in McDonaldland who has pig-tails and feathers.
She seems like the only female in McDonaldland.
She is optimistic and happy.

CONS:
She is an early riser.
Her favorite saying is 'The Early Bird gets the Egg McMuffin'.
She eats eggs, which sounds a bit cannibalistic.
Don't bother trying to find her after 10:30 AM. Breakfast is over by then.
Even though she can fly, she sometimes rides around in her helicopter.

Captain Crook Another incarnation of the 1970s, Captain Crook was introduced to promote McDonald's Fillet-O-Fish sandwich.

PROS:
He was a pirate but never stole Microsoft software.
Thankfully he is not a 'butt-pirate' either.
Is also not fools gold or 'iron-pirate'. Wait... that's Iron Pyrite. Nevermind.

CONS:
Good wholesome image for children. A crooked pirate.
He was a rip off of Peter Pan's pirate, Captain Hook.
Once stabbed the Hamburglar in the back (with his wooden sword of course).

The Professor During the 1970s he was the official spokes-scientist for McDonalds.

PROS:
He never taught a course on nutrition.
Considering the criminals, morons and clowns in McDonalds, he appeared kindly.

CONS:
He was a mad scientist whose creations were never noteworthy.
He always carried a wrench, it seemed to be his favorite tool.
The documentary 'Supersize Me' has since put many of the professors theories to shame.

Mac Tonight Introduced in the late 1980s to promote McDonald's late night hours and menu. Was fairly popular before fading into oblivion.

PROS:
Had an animatronic character designed in his honor.
Was a far cooler adult promotion than the dreaded 'Arch Deluxe'.

CONS:
Is a childrens advertising character aimed at adults.
Tries to lure parents out to McDonalds after putting their kids to sleep at night.
Was arrested by Officer Big Mac for mooning children.

CosMc And advertising blunder of 1988, CosMc was incredibly short lived and pretty well forgotten by those who are fortunate.

PROS:
He was short lived and retired rather quickly by McDonald's.
He was part alien and part robot.

CONS:
He has 6 arms and a pinhead.
McDonald's tried to cash in on the space craze, perhaps twenty years too late.
Sucks so bad I can't even think of something funny to write about him.

Uncle 'O Grimacy Another 70s rarity that appears in late February through March. Was a spokesblob for Shamrock Shakes.

PROS:
He is proud of his Irish heritage, and disproves the Irish stereotype, by drinking non-alcoholic shakes.
He is peace loving and never took arms against or for the Irish Republican Army.

CONS:
He is shaped like his nephew Grimace indicating a high fat diet and little or no exercise.
He only works a few days a year, and those being near St. Patricks' day.


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